This guide is intended as an aide to keep writers and directors firmly within the Generally Accepted Hollywood View of Police (GAHVP).

1. Use red/blue lights and sirens as much as possible. It is especially useful when a marked police unit arrives almost anywhere. This is because we believe that viewers are so stupid as to be unaware that a marked police car is actually a police car. Plus it looks cool.

   You will get flak on this from your technical advisor, who will tell you that red/blue lights and sirens are for emergencies in clearing traffic or for car stops. Plus it lets bad guys know the police are arriving. He will be correct, but ignore this. This is your movie, not his.

2. Always have your officers wear their duty weapons on their hip (or in a cool shoulder holster) while interviewing bad guys in an interview room. This will remind your stupid viewers that the cops are cops. Plus it looks cool.

   Your tech advisor will tell you that this is idiotic and never done, because the bad guys can grab the gun. (Duh). Ignore this. It’s too cool-looking to pass up.

3. Your homicide investigators should work alone and be at least a lieutenant, preferably a captain. This gives them clout and status. Plus it looks cool.

   Your pesky tech advisor will tell you that the ranks of lieutenant and captain are for command officers, not worker bees. Homicide dicks are officers or sergeants or inspectors, and generally work in pairs. Ignore this of course. You want some real rank in there, plus it looks more heroic to work alone.

4. Make all the cops heavy drinkers, rebellious, insubordinate, unfaithful, and bothered by a dark secret. It makes them colorful. Plus it looks cool.

   Your tech advisor will go a little ballistic on this, but send him off the set for a while. Ask him to take a time out. This will generate some profanity, but ignore this. Who is this guy, anyway?

5. In hero cop shootouts, you can borrow from the old westerns. The main characters are the only ones who can shoot straight. The hero cop can always take out a few bad guys armed with machine guns, even though he only has a handgun. He can maybe get wounded, but this should not bother him. He can still run, jump, and win fistfights with major gunshot wounds. Keeps the story flowing, plus it looks cool.

   Your tech guy will now have taken a Prozac and be back to tell you that you are nuts. Gunshot wounds to the shoulder or leg are nearly always incapacitating and often fatal. Everybody gets excited and misses in gunfights, even heroes. Ignore him.

6. Your really-bad main character will always out-shoot uniformed officers. He will mow them down like cordwood. We think this looks cool.

   Your tech will be staring off into space and muttering. Ignore him.

7. If your hero is a private eye, he must be an ex-cop who was thrown off the force. Have him order around uniformed officers like they were bellboys. Even if he has just been in a car chase, shot several people, and destroyed half the city. This looks cool.

   Technical advisor guy will begin to calmly explain that your hero PI would be in cuffs in a heartbeat. Ignore this. That would interrupt the story line, and wouldn’t look cool.

8. Put at least one bad cop in the mix somewhere. Audiences have come to expect this. Plus it looks cool when they are busted.

   Your TA will just glare at you. Ignore him.

9. In car chases, have the sound effects guys put in screeching tires, even on dirt roads. It sounds cool.

   Your tech will explain that this does not happen. Ignore him.

10. Remember that all hero cops have some friend, on or off the force that can do anything with computers, especially stuff that has not been invented yet. They can search hundreds of worldwide databases in seconds and get exactly what the hero wants. From a partial fingerprint these wizards can get a bad guy’s picture, life story, and where he had lunch last Thursday.

    Your TA will begin to explain that this is not possible, even with teams working long hours… Yeah, yeah, just cut him off. Remember it looks cool.

11. When your hero is awakened by the phone after a night of drinking, have him just pull on a shirt and pair of pants and dash out the door. All in one shot if possible. This makes him look like a man of action. And it looks cool.

    You-know-who will tell you that your own common sense tells you that the guy needs to shower, shave, and use the toilet. Failing this he will smell like a goat and wet his pants. Ignore this. Your hero does not waste time on such things.

12. Your hero cop will of course want all lab results back in a couple of hours. He always gets these of course. It looks cool and audiences will buy it.

    Your tech advisor will tell you that some results take weeks or months. This will screw up your story line so kiss it off.

13. In morgue scenes, always have a sheet over the corpse. This allows for a dramatic pulling back of the sheet to view the face. Audiences have always seen this and it looks cool.

    Tech man will inform you that corpses on the slab are not covered by anything. Remind him that young children may see this. Accuracy is overrated.

14. At major shootouts in industrial areas, be sure there is nobody around and nobody sees or hears explosions, machine gun fire, etc. The hero can then just waltz away to his next move. Looks really cool.

    The technical advisor will tell you that unless you are on the moon, hundreds of folks will be aware of the mayhem and the place will be flooded with law enforcement in a flash. What a party pooper. Ignore him as always.

15. If your hero cop is a woman, always remember she is a master at martial arts and can kick any man’s butt easily. She is also smarter, and must make at three men look foolish, awkward, or incompetent sometime during your movie or show.

    Your tech advisor has quit. Finally. He was getting to be a real pain in the backside.

Well, these basic tips should get you going, but remember, anytime there is a conflict between accuracy and a good scene, make it look cool. You’ll be OK.